A New Start
by snossy
Summary: Merlin doubts himself after losing Arthur. Gwen talks to him.


_**A New Start.**_

_**A/N:**_ I don't own anything from Merlin.

The feast in the Great Hall in honour of all those who were lost in the battle against Morgana and her forces, was still happening when the young warlock slipped out of the hall and down the main corridor. He was in no mood to celebrate anything, even if it was in honour of the fallen Knights and King Arthur. He was alone; the only sounds around him were the fires crackling away in their brackets along the walls as he walked by them and his own footsteps, almost running away from the sounds of the feast. Every now and then he would pass a guard on duty, but he barely registered their presence.

It seemed to take years to reach his small room where he slammed the door behind him and flung himself on the bed, fully clothed, not caring about anything or anyone else at the moment. All he wanted to do was disappear and never be seen again. As it was he had been avoiding Gwen since the day he returned alone from the Lake of Avalon. He couldn't look her in the eyes after he had failed to keep Arthur alive. "Go away!" he mumbled into his pillow when a knock on his bedroom door interrupted his thoughts. He heard the door creak open and the close softly behind whoever it was.

"I'm not going anywhere Merlin" Gwen's voice spoke softly and he felt her sit on the edge of the bed "Not until you stop avoiding me. You are the one friend I don't want to lose. Especially now."

"I'm not avoiding anyone." He mumbled and faced the other way so she wouldn't see the tears forming in his eyes.

"Is that why you won't even look at me now?" She sighed and reached across and forced him to roll over so he could see her. For a split second when he finally looked into her eyes, he saw the same young girl that he met the first day he arrived him Camelot. The same girl who was a little unsure of herself but still confident enough to hold her own when she was passionate about something. The only real difference was the clothes she wore and the crown on her head which Arthur's mother had once owned.

"If I am so powerful, then why couldn't I get him into the lake in time?" He wasn't expecting an answer, he just wanted to say what he had been thinking for the past month. He hadn't meant it to come out around Gwen either.

"Maybe…" She hesitated, trying to keep her voice calm and confident "Maybe you weren't meant to save him this time. Gaius told me about the prophecy the dragon had spoken of and it makes sense in a way. The 'Once and Future' King. I know you've heard this before but I have to believe in my heart that one day Arthur will return. I don't know how or when but when he does he will need you to guide him again."

"I couldn't save him now, so how can I even think of guiding him in the future?"

"Stop being such a prat Merlin." She snapped, suddenly getting annoyed "Your powers are the one thing that saved him time and time again, allowing him to build Camelot into what it is today. You may be the only one who can help him in when the time comes. So stop doubting yourself and get back to work helping me and Gaius." She stood up, gave the young warlock a small smile and left the room without a backwards glance.

Merlin sat there with a stunned look on his face. Until he could hear the sound of Gaius laughing at the bottom of the stairs. Slowly, Merlin dragged himself off the bed and, one step at a time, left the room and went downstairs to watch the last part of Gwen's midnight blue dress vanish through the door. She was heading back to the party, while Merlin could leave at any time, she wasn't able to until the party was dying down a little. Gaius held his arm out and when Merlin walked over to him, he guided him over to the small table they ate meals at. Merlin sat down and Gaius placed a plate of food in front of him "You need to eat. You have to help protect Gwen now that Arthur is gone. Until other kingdoms learn that she is just as capable of defending the kingdom as Arthur was, she will be in danger."

"So she doesn't hate me?"

"No Merlin, just the opposite; cares more about you than you know. You saved her husband time after time and wanted nothing in return, you've done so much for every person in Camelot that anyone who doesn't understand that, doesn't deserve the effort of worrying about what they think. Come on, eat your dinner. You still have people to help."


End file.
